Title: Venusday Love # 9 (or: Fantasy Frolics)

No… I’m not talking about some MMRPG, or “Second Life”, I’m talking about in there. You know… in YOUR head. And while we’re at it, let’s talk about your partner’s psycho sexual health, too.

While I was considering the topic for this week’s Venusday Love post, I came across this: Erotic Fantasy Quiz
Where, after answering all of the questions, I got this result:

You’re an ideal match for al fresco loving!
Al fresco

A free spirit like you should not be surprised to be matched to an outdoor venue for the call of the wild. We get the feeling that you’re more tuned into green issues than you may realise, so why not take the hippy hobby of tree hugging a step further by hugging under a tree? Or even in the middle of a field? Ah, we can just imagine the sensations, a sun kissed breeze caressing the areas that are normally confined and covered up. The melodious warbles of the birds in the trees enhancing the bass line beat of your heavy breathing. Not to mention the thorns that stick into your bum, the ants that run up your leg, or the passing pigeon that drops a message of good luck on you. Doing the wild thing outdoors is a bed of roses, beautiful, but with the potential for personal injury and embarrassment. However, we know that you’re not one to be put off by a challenge, so we’re sure that between the two of you, you’ll manage to rise to the occasion.

Bo-ring! I admit it. I love a good outdoors romp. But hey- this is supposed to be a fantasy quiz! I’ve done this number too many times for it to hold much intrigue for me as a fantasy. This particular quiz was waaaay too limiting. Don’t you just hate having to choose a definitive answer to a variable question? I mean really…

Q: What feels sexiest against your skin:
a silk

b leather
c skin
d chains

What? I can only choose one? How about a, b, c and under the right circumstances, d? How about all of them if I’m blindfolded? But wait! What about ice cubes, warm oil, lips/tongue, breath, eyelashes, a feather? Over all, I’d have to give that quiz a thumbs down. Milque toast is definitely not to my tastes.

I mean, we’re talking Fantasy!!! Fantasy is limited only by our imaginations! Fantasy is a place where we can allow our desires free reign. With fantasy we can explore ideas and situations that are odd or strange, we can do things in our minds that we would never wish to actually experience or we can use our fantasies as fertile ground for spicing up our relationships.

I’ve been looking around a bit at articles on fantasy, and most of them seem to include the following fantasies as the most common. Among them are:

* having sex with an existing partner
* having sex with a new partner
* having sex with more than one person
* watching others make love
* giving and receiving oral sex
* romantic or exotic locations
* doing something forbidden
* being dominant
* being passive and submissive

According to Psychosexual therapist Paula Hall, in this article,

“Fantasy is a fundamental part of human nature. We see active imagination as healthy in children (watch them playing and you’ll see them lost in a world of their own) but something adults should grow out of. Most people never do, however. Even if we manage to suppress our imagination during the day, all those unconscious passions emerge while we’re sleeping.
There’s a huge range of personal taste in sexual fantasy, just as there is in everything else. But many people feel uncomfortable with their own fantasies, fearing they’re somehow weird if they’re turned on by things that are unacceptable to others.”

Making love in a bathtub full of jello. There. I said it. Probably the only unfulfilled fantasy I have left (that I would want to fulfill… some fantasies, after all, are better left as fantasy!)

But back to the bathtub. Jello. Not completely gelled, but nearly. Thick, viscuous, smooth; slick on our skins. Starting out chilled, but melting and softening as it warmed from the writhing bodies of my lover and I… Uh- oops; sorry. Where was I??

Oh, yeah. Fantasy. According to most sex studies and psychologists men and women have different sorts of fantasies, and if you try to break that down further into gay men, lesbian women, etc., it gets way too convoluted, so for the purposed of this lil love fest, I’m gonna address only the two most important differences in fantasies that I see.

1) The fantasy that we would never, ever want to actually experience. The fantasy that is sexy and fun and safe only in our minds, and…
2) The fantasy that we would really like to play out. The fantasies that we might be able to share with a partner and role play.

*disclaimer: The fantasies I list under these designations may not reflect your personal experiences/thoughts.

Remember, when it comes to fantasy; it’s All in Your Head!!
“It’s not a fantasy if you go out and do it,” says Howard Ruppel, Ph.D., chancellor at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Your thoughts during sex are not a reflection of your real-life mindset. Rather, sex offers the opportunity “to experience things you can’t possibly act out,” wrote the late Alex Comfort, M.D., in his classic bestseller The Joy of Sex (recently updated 30 years after its first edition). “These fantasies can be heterosexual, homosexual, incestuous, tender, wild, or bloodthirsty — don’t block, and don’t be afraid or ashamed.

1) The fantasy that we would never, ever want to actually experience.

Under this section, I would place fantasies like: being raped, raping someone, having my lover watch me seduce and fuck someone else, Anne Rice (writing as A.N. Roquelaure) “Beauty” type scenarios, doing it on the 50 yard line at halftime with a full stadium of fans cheering me on…

Well, you get the idea. Somehow we just know that certain fantasies are best left in the realm of fantasy. Although one may like the idea of being “taken by force” (sounds romantic, when ya put it that way, doesn’t it?) No-one actually wants to live through the horror of actually being raped. And while (at least the first book) of the Beauty series was a fantastical sexual oddesy, how many of us would really like to be impaled on the marble dong of a statue and left hanging there for hours?? I don’t think so!!!

Then we have the other kind of fantasy. The fantasy that we think might just be doable. The ones we’d really like to try and play out. Think your partner will take pleasure in playing along? In some relationships, revealing your fanciful desires to your partner can fuel sexual fulfillment. It can produce a huge amount of intimacy if you’re sharing these most private thoughts only with each other, which demonstrates a deep trust.

Is your partner GGG? Are you? Dan Savage, of the popular Savage Love sex advice column coigned the acronym GGG (Definition from Wikipedia)

This stands for “good, giving and game”, and generally refers to Mr. Savage’s ideal for healthy human sexuality: that a partner should be “good, giving and game” when presented with a person’s fantasy, however kinky or unusual. In his March 1, 2007 column, Savage summarized “GGG stands for “good, giving, and game,” which is what we should all strive to be for our sex partners. Think “good in bed,” “giving equal time and equal pleasure,” and “game for anything—within reason.”"

2) The fantasy that we would really like to play out. The fantasies that we might be able to share with a partner and role play.

Here I put fantasies that I’d like to experiment with my parter with, such as lite bodage, various role playing, discreet public sex and such.

My current personal fav is my GirlyBoi in drag. Full drag. Dressed in a smartly cut man’s suit, perhaps a tiny dusting of artfully applied facial hair, and definitely “packing”. I am, (as usual) in a sexy dress displaying plenty of cleavage and bare under my skirt with the exception of stocking and garter. We’re out somewhere… having dinner, shooting some pool and dancing, until we can’t stand it anymore. When we decide to leave, we make it no further than the dark parking lot, where… Well. You get the picture.

Welll… I suppose there is one more main category of fantasy. The fantasy that was a better fantasy than the reality turned out to be. The fantasy that is forever spoiled by the memory of the reality. These types may include the hot coworker you dreamt about for months and finally had drunken sex with at an office party in the janitor’s closet who turned out to be either a) a bum lay or b) a stalker or c) told all your coworkers. Or worse, like in Stephen King’s novel “Gerald’s Game” where hubby drops dead of a heart attack while wifey is handcuffed to the bed (remember to keep that key within reach, folks)

And again according to Paula Hall

“Although some couples find that sharing and acting out their fantasies has increased trust and intimacy, others have not.
Fantasies are extremely personal. There are risks involved in disclosing them, especially to someone you care for. Consider how you’ll manage if they don’t like your fantasy or if you try acting it out and it just doesn’t work.
Sharing fantasies can be liberating, but it’s risky. Talk to your partner first about the general theme, then approach with caution.

As usual, here is your linky love to a sampling of erotic reading to whet your fantasy apetite!

First up is a exhibistionistic, voyeristic, orgiastic (Straight and married)Pool Party of the fantastical variety!! Let’s get wet!!!

If that wasn’t wild enough for you, (Or if “more” is your favorite fantasy) how about a short but sweet adventure in the forest, with a winged… Goddess? Devil? You decide.

For my mature female readers, but definitely not for the timid of heart, meet Shirley. After a 20 year marriage goes south when hubby trades wifey in for a younger model, our heroine is lonely and hot! Is Shirley in over her head in this enticing bi-BDSM curious escapade with 3 hot young roommates? Mmmmm maybe, but what a way to go!(This one is actually pretty well written with decent character development.)Be Careful what you’re Dreaming part 1 and part 2

So fantasize, explore and expand. No shame and no guilt or fear, if you keep your fantasies in your head. If, however, you decide to cross the line between imagination and reality, do so with care and be safe! And remember:

Make Love, Not War!!!

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