Skipping Christmas
December 14, 2007 by Dizzy Dezzi
I declared a war on Christmas about 17 years ago.
Well, not exactly a “war” in the Bill’o sense. But a war in the sense of I had to boycott the “trappings” of the holiday.
Despite being an atheist, I actually love Christmas music. I like seeing the lights and trees. Hey, I even love the sales. What I can’t stand is the stress.
As a kid, Christmas decorating seemed to come off without a hitch, but that was because we had a pre-fab tree and very little decorations. There always seemed to be tons of things under the tree. As a child, I couldn’t know all the trouble that my parents went to to make Christmas so great.
But, as a single mother, I learned just how stressful the holidays could be. The idea of decorating the tree was exciting and even fun, once I got started. The idea of taking it down was daunting. Forget shopping for presents. When you are on a fixed income, it’s difficult to provide a kid with loads of gifts, like what they might see at their friends’ homes or even on television.
I started a tradition about 17 years ago that involves getting rid of the stress of the holidays. I don’t take my kids to see Santa, not just because he’s not real. But, because I don’t want to put my kid or myself on the spot for whatever it is they might ask the big guy for, especially if what they wanted was not in the family budget. I usually just ask the kids what they would really like to receive this holiday, let ‘em know if it’s possible and then ask them for other ideas. I have made it perfectly clear to them that “Mom and Dad are Santa”, so they understand that although they might get what they want for Christmas, it’s Mom and Dad that are responsible, not some imaginary fat man in a red suit.
Some people may call me a “Grinch”, but the truth is, I am more a “Grinch” when I am forced to put on the trappings of the holidays than I am when I know that I am not going to have to put in that extra effort to keep up with the Jones’, like making sure our Christmas lights are “just right” and that we have the “perfect Christmas tree”. I am less stressed knowing that if I don’t find (I mean, if Santa doesn’t bring) the perfect gift for the kids, they won’t think “Santa” let them down.
I’ve tried it both ways. The “all the trappings” Christmas and the “Christmas is just another day”. And, I always regret the “all the trappings Christmas” because by the end of the holiday I am so stressed out and tired that I swear, “I will not do this, again”. My husband thinks I am a huge “Grinch”. He grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness so he is always disappointed when I boycott Christmas. But, I am always the one responsible for “making it happen”, with the exception of hanging the lights.
I’ll be the first to admit that I am a control freak, but I understand that things don’t always go “my way”. But, when something consistently brings you misery when you participate in it, if it ain’t mandatory (like getting an annual pap smear), then you should probably reconsider whether or not all the drama is worth it.
I do like seeing the smiles on my kids’ faces when they get something that they really wanted on Christmas day. That’s fun. I got a couple of really cute kids and it’s funny watching them dance around with a toy in a box singing my praises as “the bestest mom in the whole world”. It brings a tear to my eye. Since that is my favorite part of the holiday and with the internet it’s so much less stressful than walking through a crowded department store, that’s the part I focus on.
Most Christmases, we don’t trim the tree or string up lights, anymore. We focus on the “joy of Christmas”. The joy that comes from doing something nice for someone you love (which, I actually observe all year long). Sure, we don’t put up a tree to hide gifts under (yes, we have one and all the trimmings resting quite nicely in the basement). We have a giant stocking that we put the big toys in and we put the little goodies in smaller stockings for each gift recipient. The stockings don’t make an appearance until Christmas morning and come Christmas afternoon, the proof of Christmas is in the smiles on everyone’s faces when they get what they wanted and the smile on my face because I don’t have to plan to tear down the tree by the first week in January. Everyone may not get what they wanted, but I’m not grumpy and I am willing to take all the blame for a crappy holiday if one of my kids’ doesn’t get what they wanted (I don’t get to blame it on Santa forgetting or being too busy and that is just fine with me). Besides, two of their birthdays are just 2-4 weeks before Christmas, so they are getting toys and goodies all month long.
Last Christmas, we had a real reason to celebrate. SSG Dizzy had just returned from Iraq a couple of weeks before. This holiday season and next we will be spending the holidays apart. It’s even harder to get excited when “Daddy” is thousands of miles away. I think that so long as our troops are still serving in Iraq, I will continue to wage a war against Christmas. I might reconsider going all out for the holidays when I know that our Christmases won’t be interrupted with any more deployments. When my biggest concern is finding the time and energy to decorate the tree and not whether or not SSG Dizzy is going to be safe from the real trappings of war, then I will be excited about the holidays, again.
It’s not much of a “Happy Holiday” when your loved one is in a war zone. Until this war is over, I’ll be skipping Christmas.
(originally posted at Sirens Chronicles)
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Dez, I raised my son as a single parent from the time he was 5. There was a time when he was around 8 that I was really broke..between jobs, working for a temp agency and barely paying the bills. He kept saying I want to go see Santa, I want this, I want that. All were high priced items.
I explained that mommy had to provide Santa with the money to ‘get’ those things. He knew how tight we were financially, and his little face just fell. I will never ever forget that look. I silently cursed my ex-husband for being the prick he was, he never payed child support out of spite for divorcing him. It was the first time I had to disappoint him at Christmas, prior he had always gotten what he wanted.
A couple of days later, he told me he knew there was no such thing as Santa, but he had never thought about the cost associated with his ‘presents’. I broke down and cried because it was the first time I wasn’t going to be able to give him exactly what he wanted. It was a cathartic moment for both of us.
From that day on, he was always level-headed about finances with regard to what he needed vs what he wanted in life as a child.
the common theme i have been hearing around where i frequent- is bah humbug! on commercialism. we all remember not having big cmases and having our memories of smaller trees, less decorations and less presents. what i am not getting is the disconnect. we love this time of year- for what it’s supposed to be- not what we have made it. trust me- decorate less, buy less, and it equals less stress. what your kids remember aren’t the trappings- but the memories made with friends and family. my mom had to tell us that there wasn’t a santa because she didn’t have the money to get us much of anything at all. we got gifts from donations one year. the local churches who give out turkeys and gifts- well we were one of ‘those’ families. my mother did what she could and we love her for it. this year- i made her favorite fudge and got her a cd. we are going to play games and laugh and eat. no decorations- no tree- just us. it’s probably her last one.
I grew up “rich”~ we had all the crap~I mean trappings to the nines. You know what I remember? The fireplace,sitting with the familiy, and the bags of nuts, oranges and apples we got from church. Not many presents stick out in my adult mind~ just the bags of produce,and the feeling.
sage, now I got a taste for dark chocolate, tangerines and peppermint. You know, I haven’t had ribbon candy in forever. I do remember the worst gifts I ever got, especially when my Grandmother called me to tell me she got me a Barbie and it turns it was “Barbie-flavored” (you know like Krab is “Crab-flavored”). It was a toy with the visible bendy joints and some kind of cheap plastic NOT whatever synthetic barbies are really made out of…after that, whenever Grandma would claim to be sending some fabulous gift, I would cringe!
You know, I have to laugh. one of my sisters thinks I’m crazy because I love christmas but presants aren’t part of it. We never got a single presant as kids only clothes and I thought it was great. Christmas was all about the stocking which was also necessities like nuts, apples, oranges, I thought it was great. My siblings think they grew up in hell but it was heavan to me. It isn’t the experiences it is what you let your mind do with them.
Found “Siren Chronicles” by ‘pure chance’…I was looking up something about Nietzsche and the pit, but I digress. This is the first year that I will offically not ‘do’ Christmas, which for me has meant, going to some-ones house for lunch, usually some-one elses family, because I don’t like mine at all. To hell with the Christmas trap, of spending time with ‘family’ because of what other people think we ’should’ do..to be nice. Don’t want to go to some-one elses house either, because I discovered I was supposed to act as a stress circut breaker at the ‘happy’ Christmas table.
I do the Christmas parties and drinks still, and I still go to ‘old friends’ who I only see once a year, at Christmas, there’s the trap again…it is just social habit. I was contacted by two women recently,who wanted to reconnect and ’share’ Christmas, but the truth is I don’t like them, they talk endlessly about themselves, which is very, very boring, this was the real reason for ‘losing’ their addresses.
But despite all of this there are still things I do, like send out the odd card, and decorate a tree, this year, a bundle of dead branches and many seasons worth of collected Christmas ornaments, gives me pleasure, and I am enjoying this Christmas lolly I am sucking now…mmm toffee, and I will enjoy the Christmas lunch and a good bottle of wine I shall have on the day, and the ‘peace’ as I look forward to Boxing Day and the end of Christmas for another year.
Don’t think for a minute that I don’t like people…you might be tempted to think that, but, not true.
You dear ‘old sticks’ have cheered me up ! Enjoy the season whatever you do!
Cheers to all.
Dianne m
The older one gets the less the doings of Christmas really mean.
My daughter is in college so getting for her is fine, as she seems to appreciate what she gets, but other than that it is fine just seeing people you care about.