update
March 27, 2008 by Fran
I write with a heavy heart today. Having visited my Mom and witness the changes that happened in 5 months time, since I was last here, have taken me by surprise. My Mom is 83, and she is in the beginning throes of dementia. Mom was a strong, vibrant, fiercely independent woman who had a kind heart, but was always at the steering wheel of her life. To see both the aging process, and this awful disease & how it steal’s your life away, bit by bit is very upsetting to say the least.
After a year in a care facility, we have to let go of her house, and that is what I am in the midst of @ this time. I had an incredible wave of sadness on day one of the house project. It just hit me like a ton of bricks. We are having to dismantle her space, and she is still with us, but not entirely. I hate the disease, and how unmerciful it is.
I know what we are doing is a labor of love, and that Mom needs 24 hour care. She is in exactly the correct place she needs to be in. She would rather live at home, but that would be neglectful. Seeing the major changes solidifies her need for care, more clearly than ever before.
We are in complete role reversal, where the kids are now the parents. I have always had a close relationship with my Mom, so it’s heartbreaking to watch her fade & go through these changes.
Crossposted at Ramblings
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hugs to you fran! my mom doesn’t have dementia but lives with my sister because of failing health- she has heart and lung problems on top of strokes she has suffered. she has short term memory problems and needs assistance with daily care. we have had many adjustments to make- and it has been very difficult for my mom- who worked all of her life to take care of us. not easy for her to not be able to work and be dependent- not to mention not being able to get around well. know that you are doing the right thing for your mom- even if it isn’t the easiest. the love that you shared is still there in a different form.
thanks betmo… it is rough to see this major change. Mom embraced her independence & did a great job managing her life & stuff…. well, maybe too good- we are shredding fricking tax papers from 1951. Jeez ! Oh well, this is a labor of love, and I hope she sees this as a lightening of her load. I will try to keep your words in mind when we have the talk about letting go of the place. Finances dictate we have to sell it, so it must be done, but I hope Mom can decide to accept the change. I’m going with a circle of life theme– you did thesame for your Momma when it was time, now it is our turn to do the same- let you know it is time to let go fo the house. My sister asked me if I would be including the theme song from Lion King along with the presentation…. (cicrle of life),
yes! let’s do. Just kidding…. but I was wracking my brain trying to think of a way to present the idea.
WE were go ing to tell her today, but she had a bad morning, so we had to scrap the plan.
Hugs~and much strenght and Peace. I went through the exact thing~except my Mom ,with the aid of my eldest stayed at home till near the end. Our relationship was not the best~ at the end she told me she loved me,i her and we kissed for the first time in 20 years. But we got that moment. Dismantling the house is very hard, i found the picture of my severly retarded son hidden~ it had to be or she go on crying jags…in the end the process of dementia was so difficult(for us) that when she went,we saw it as a blessing. Spend as much time as you are able with her,no matter what and know this is part of what all must face.Peace~ sage