About Getting Stimulated

************************************************
Okay,So everybody is waiting for the Stimulus Checks.And yet some people have theirs, and yes some people have spent their money already.The funny thing is that most people I know are spending the Stimulus check on unpaid Bills, or other even groceries. I don’t really know anyone spending it on Something Extravagant.

So here I sit wishing, hoping and planning. So some of my neighbors have gotten their checks, and I keep getting Car Flyers in the mail, so I know that Somewhere there is a List that must say that I am on a Rebate List. So I went to the IRS website and looked up my Date. If you go to their website it posts the Dates of the Mailings which are organized by Social Security Number’s last two digits. So in May I looked up my number and my date and I was ready. Or Was I ?

So this week, when the Midwest went Sweltering, and I realized that no a BIG fan was not going to sooth my soul, gee that Stimulus Check would sure be Something to have. I could go buy another Fan, a BIGGER Fan, or even a mini- AC unit.When it is 98 degrees you do start to crave those kinds of Luxories, especially when you have a stack of enticing flyers sitting on the table. So I rechecked my “date” with Destiny, and sure enough it has been a good 10 days since it was DUE, so I am thinking I should Investigate the MISSING Check ( aka MY Money).

So I get prepared for this Adventure in Phone Service, and reaching out to Connect with the IRS.Who for the past 3 years have provided nothing but good times. I sit down with a pitcher of Iced Tea, Nail Polish ( 3 shades), the Check Book that needs balancing,and a dog brush to brush Little Yella Dog. I know that this will take forever and a day…and I am terrible at Being On Hold.

So I call a total of SIX different Numbers to find out the RIGHT Number to talk to a HUMAN being and ask Questions. Now I think I should share that with you, as it works for now. It is 800-829-1954. I was on hold for quite an eternity, over 47 minutes. They have horrible Hold Music, I had the pleasure of listening to the NUTCRACKER , specifically “The Dance of the Sugar Plum Ferries” three times. I was amused by this, it struck me that someone at the Federal Government has a huge sense of humor. So while I held , I painted my Nails, Bright Purple with Black Stripes and some glitter. Then I brushed the tired hot dog, and then I balanced the Checkbook, and read the great article about RFK in Vanity Fair. By now it is 99 degrees, and I have run out of things to do. So I did what I do when I am bored, I watched a Mexican Soap Opera and made up the translation. ( My poor teenage son thinks I speak Spanish- I don’t….I am just very good at reading Bad Drama’s).

Finally an actual Human Being comes to the line. We will call him MrPickles, because that is very close to what his name was, and he was very polite, and nice, like someone that is accustomed to having his head chewed off on the hour. He sounded like Paul Giamani.So we sorted through the muck and mire and minutia of trying to track the allusive money. You will need your tax returns and know when you sent it etc. So he put me back on hold ( oh joy), and went and checked about my Missing Check.

So he comes back to the phone after 7 minutes and tells me that he has good news and bad news. He has located my Information, and I am getting a refund. ( and no he could not tell me how much- which I thought was a little odd). And that it was “processed” on May 26th, BUT……( and my hot little heart sank- WHY oh WHY is there ALWAYS a “BUT” ? ) So I said “But?” “Well, it was Processed on May 26th, but you won’t get it for a while, 4-6 weeks from that date, so I would say the earliest you will get it, is the Middle of July. ”

I sighed deeply…and asked what Anyone would ask ” Can I ask WHY it takes So long ? I mean I did file on time and send my money in on time…and the website is a bit deceptive and actually gives DATES of Mailings, Can you Explain ?”

Mr.Pickles nicely explained that Apparently the IRS is Overwhelmed and Never expected SO MANY people to file for the Rebate, even Disabled people and elderly and people on Social Security Filed for it. So I said ,”So TOO MANY people need Money ? Does the Federal Government realize So Many People are hurting? ”

Mr.Pickles, ( clearing throat…) ,”well, they do now.”

( So I am sitting there wondering are they having to print more money in the basement to meet the Demand of these Rebates ? How out of touch are they that they didn’t think we would all file for some extra money ????)

Then we discuss my Messed Up Name Status …I seperated from my husband in 2003 ( yes the same month as the damn war), and they my divorce date ( yes, the same month as Katrina)….Now I mention this because MY DATES have posed a HUGE Timing Problem for the Federal Government. They are still having Huge Problems trying to figure out WHO I am. Yes, I have waited an Eternity for a Proper New Social Security Card. But Mr .Pickles informs me, reassures me that I am and MANY Katrina Folks are STILL Waiting for THOSE NEW Cards….Well that makes me feel so much better….So I say to Mr.Pickles..

” You have been very nice, very helpful..BUT do you ever get the feeling that Maybe , just maybe, OUR Government is , well, BROKEN? ”

I heard a gulp on the other end of the line from Mr.Pickles.

“Yeah…everyday. ”
*****************************
“Money” by Pink Floyd…..of course.