A Bitchfirmation for Fal…

For Fal, because you asked.

Shall we?

When my father passed away I struggled with a lot of things. I wanted to be angry…to scream and shout and vent, because my time with him was too short. I wanted to mourn as the ancients did…to wail and moan and beat at my body until my physical pain equaled my emotional pain. And I wanted everything to stop…for motion to cease and time to stand still until the storm in my heart settled.

But time didn’t stand still.

Life moved on with freakish normalcy even though everything in my world was anything but normal.

I woke up one day with a song playing in my mind…one of my favorite songs from church that I used to sing while standing beside my father so many years ago.

I feel like going on.
Though trials come on every hand.
I feel like going on.

I hummed it as I prepared to start the day and I sang it in the shower, as tears of blessed remembrance blended with the water washing over my face.

Though the storm may be raging
And the billows are tossing high,
I feel like going on.

I sang while driving to work…and suddenly I just pulled over and knew, even as I sat in a car on the side of the road, that I wept out of love for a most extraordinary man. And I found the fuel to go on.

Though trials come…

Let yourself feel.

Let the tears flow.

On every hand…

For you will find that you can celebrate a life even as you mourn the loss of it.

I feel like going on.

And you will.

Crossposted from the Angry Black Bitch.