It’s Harder Than I Thought It Would Be To Ease My Soul

I came across this pic thingy on the internets the other day and wondered at how this is what I am going through right now. For whatever reason I haven’t felt like I have been truly living since the big trucks kicked my ass and squashed my wanderings. The road has always called me and since I have been driving my sofa for the last 9 years the siren song of the asphalt has been turned down.

Then right when I almost had it muted my best friend/room mate Cat woke the sleeping voices in my head when she suggested we get an RV and spend some time seeing the things we used to watch go by at 68 MPH hauling them chickens. No shippers, receivers or dispatchers to answer to.  No scale houses or roadside inspections tu creep by. Stop and see the worlds biggest ball of yarn and all of the frustrated kitties that surround it if we feel like it. Stop in Jellystone or run hard to the Ozarks and spend a month or so. Base ourselves in California (Humboldt Countyof course) where we can get the medicine our doctors recommend without the fear of going to jail. Try to live free and therefore start really living again.

But this time it seems easier for Cat to just give her stuff away than me. Little things that have some forgotten sentimental attachment have been giving me grief as I choose what to do with them. Many of the things are worthless trinkets or something that brings back memories of my first marriage.While Cat packs boxes of family memories to go to her brothers I just sit and stare at the pile of stuff I just don’t want to see go anywhere. Things that will just take room while making me remember times long gone…if they even get unpacked.

The furniture has already found a good home. Cat is planning a “Garage Sale…uhhh…Giveaway” and whatever is left she is going to donate to a local thrift store. Weare going to be living in a 34 foot motor home so there is no space for anything that has no practical use. Oh…we’ll need a small storage place in Arcata for some stuff but most will go to the wayside.

Tough to get rid of the memories of the good times. Old tapes that have shows I have been to or wish I had. All on the computer now so I don’t need them…but the memories the cassettes bring give me pause. The glass swan my dad pulled in Colorado so many years ago will go to my sister. (sorry Sherrie but the vase is going in the motorhome) Old books and little stuff that has no value to anyone but me seem significant now I am faced with getting rid of them but I haven’t looked at any of them for years. My high school yearbooks from a Christian school are now obsolete since I have contacted those who I wondered about on Facebook. (and now that my curiosity has been satisfied I have canceled their links since they are all the same old boring right wing Christian fucks they were back in the early ’70’s)

But living my dream is coming to pass. And I mean soon. Not long from now the day will come when we finally load up the mothership and blast off from this hell they call Roswell, NM. Late November we have plans to do the traditional Thanksgiving holiday at family’s houses in Texas and then get on down to the coast. (not fond of the idea of visiting our friends who live on the other side of {or in} the snow til spring.) Too soon and not soon enough at the same time.

My list of stuff to keep gets shorter by the day.

The clothes

The music (most of which I have downloaded in the new machine)

A few little things from my sons life

Small boxes of memories

Oh…and my Jerry doll that Tamara gave me on my 28th birthday. That little rag doll made in Garcia’s image has traveled many tens of thousands of miles with me and that just can’t quit.

It’s gonna be good. Jerrys music and somehow the spirit of the Grateful Dead are never far from me. And will continue as I travel the rest of my life down “So Many Roads”.

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