i watched ’sons of anarchy’ last night with hubby on the netflix. we seem to be drawn to gritty dramas like that- we also enjoyed ‘deadwood’ and ‘the shield’. what struck me- i was rooting for the bad guys. now, i am sure that’s what the writers intended- as they make the bad guys partially good and the good guys- well, bad. the atf agent is played quite well by ally walker and she gave me much to think about in this age of border wars with canada and mexico- and the fact that we still have the odious guantanamo bay.

what is it in the american psyche that allows the dissonance between innocent until proven guilty and gleefully watching someone arrested and tased on ‘cops’? from the nightly news to the dozen or so ‘law and order’ episodes to the ads on the sidebar on facebook calling for fbi applicants, our nation has become a police state. oh, most of us don’t believe so- but in america, we hold people without legal counsel and we trick them into talking without one. i am most definitely not pro death penalty- not because some of these folks who did indeed commit heinous crimes shouldn’t pay the ultimate price— but because our track record with jailing innocent folks isn’t good.

our justice system is beyond flawed- when you have the patriot act and the military commissions act and hundreds of other laws on the books like the draconian ‘three strikes and you get life’ laws- well, appeal is tough. and if you do the crime, i absolutely believe that you should do the time. i guess i just have an outmoded sense of justice- i believe that if you are innocent you should be set free.

and, i don’t see things in black and white. i see myself sitting in that chair- and know that i wouldn’t want to be interrogated for hours on end without my legal counsel or forced into a van in the middle of the night to be spirited away while my loved ones didn’t know where i was. guilt isn’t supposed to be proven in the streets by arresting agents or officers- or in an hour’s time on a tv show. but it is- and america is not a land of liberty.

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apologies to david bowie….

i had a conversation with a blog buddy of mine the other day about the rapidity of change that feels as if it occurred over the past decade. in fact, we both agreed that it felt as if we missed a couple of decades somewhere and ended up here. now, in all probability, we didn’t but it sure feels that way. both of us are fairly adaptable and i, personally (and i suspect he too), love new technology. not all of it will i use- but hey, i think tools to assist in the world’s peoples communicating freely- well, it has to be a good thing. and i am not crediting martha stewart for that one

anyhoo, i say quite a bit that the more things change- the more they don’t. and that’s oddly true too. reconnecting with folks from the past may seem like a good idea- to catch up and to find out what’s been going on in their lives and so on- but in truth, it probably isn’t. at least in my case. what i have found over the years is that- human beings don’t really change at their core. who they are at 18 at the core- is who they are at 38 or 48 or 58, etc.. now, that’s not to say that they are the same people- the outside stuff does change- but the values they decide on or that are instilled in them- stay fairly consistent. at least in my experience…

i don’t know that i have quite figured out the human species yet though… we are a strange breed. many of us have families who love us but who we don’t know how- or don’t want to- communicate with. it’s baffling to me how many people out there are relieved to move away from their parents and basically write them off and out of their lives for no better reason than they are annoying- or boring. really? these folks gave you life and nurtured you- stood by you during rough times as well as good- and because you are so very busy and self important living your life- you leave them be. nice.

i understand dysfunctional families all too well- i lived in one. i have been fortunate to have at least one viable parent- and i am thankful for that. i see folks from around the globe who have lost their family and/or friends through war, famine, drought, natural disasters, etc., who would most likely give anything to have them back- and we, here in america, throw our families away in the pursuit of selfish interests. haven’t wrapped my mind around that yet.

when you look at america as a country- there are some positive changes taking place in pockets- but i don’t think you can look at it as a unified country anymore. we are imploding and folks are desperately trying to actively deny that we are. a nation is only as good as the people that makes it up- and i really don’t see americans as good people. we are an egotistical, narcissistic lot who wants what we want when we want it and the rest of the world be damned. if we think that you may threaten our lifestyle of fast food and mcmansions- well, we’ll just blow you to smithereens with our video game toys so we don’t actually have to get our hands dirty- and we can sleep at night pretending we haven’t killed anyone of any importance.

hey, if they ain’t a wasp- they don’t belong on the planet- right? i suppose that’s why we can ignore our loved ones with no conscience- and why we don’t work to communicate with them while we all share life. it’s easy to disagree and use it as a wedge to keep us apart. it takes courage and growing a set to put aside our egoism and self interests and make time for what is really important- human relationships and family. it is my belief that the folks who will survive climate change won’t be the wasps- or the western world- we will take until we can’t take anymore- it will be the cultures who have a belief in sharing and working together and who believe that ancestors and elders are worth something.

and that’s change i can believe in…

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i have been thinking in broad strokes lately— and conversely, i have been hunkering down and working on personal issues. it would suffice to say that i am just plain exhausted. i have a feeling many folks are worn down and worn out by life- and it just shouldn’t be that way. there really isn’t any reason for it either- but for the greed of a small percentage of the entire human population. of course, we see it on a global scale with price gouging during disasters; private contractors simply stealing money allotted for projects to help folks; the financial implosion across the world, etc., etc.,

i started to think about what that means for me- i have to constantly be on the alert for my financial institutions levying fees and fines for any and everything; i have to pay fees and surcharges on any government or utility ‘privelege’ of using- more for simply using electricity in my home or renewing my driver’s license; i have to be on the alert for disreputable gutter companies or price shop to not get taken advantage of to have my gutters replaced; i have to worry about taking my car to the garage for a check engine light coming on so i don’t get ripped off; i pay pretty close to double for groceries than i did 10 years ago- and i have to worry whether or not my food has been genetically altered or filled full of antibiotics— or has some viral disease like mad cow or fish fungus. whew!!!

not to mention- we have a horribly broken government system from the local governments on up and are constantly fighting against our neighbors, colleagues, and often friends and family members against a dangerous and regressive ideology. did i mention i am freakin’ pooped? when you live with the stress of waiting for that other shoe to drop- and put other life losses on top of all of the above- i think we have a pretty fair idea of how most americans are living these days. even those of us who haven’t lost our jobs and homes- are kind of waiting for the whole shebang to collapse and anarchy rein- and we all lose everything. it’s that kind of decade i guess.

anyhoo, had to have mom’s sink fixed and was lucky enough to have a buddy who could do it. got me thinking about capitalism and whatnot- and yes, i do need to have the car and gutters fixed. and, i am still looking for a part time job to pay for it… welcome to the western world where suburbanites want so badly to keep their mcmansion gated subdivisions safe for their 2.3 kids and dog and suv- that they join tea parties because they are promised a bag of lies. we, the people, have all been sold a bill of goods- the american dream- and the fact that we have woken up from that and can see that it amounts to owning swamp land— is lost on the leaders of the tea bag movement and their minions.

the fight has just begun- and i hope that upcoming social civil wars don’t devolve into actual bullets flying. and, i also hope that evolution speeds up a bit and the conservative mindset is just a painful blip in the human history.

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suffice to say- it has been a rough february thus far. not all stress is bad and there has been both- personally and on the world scene. and i have not been all that chatty. it has been increasingly difficult for me to find anything at all to say to anyone and i have hunkered down instead hoping to somehow get myself back on track. two weeks in and i have not been entirely successful.

so, today i began to think about disconnect- how i long for it and how easy it seems to do for most other folks in america’s modern culture. i haven’t quite caught on as to how to go about it- the disconnecting from reality and life. most of us have no idea where our food comes from- for many it comes already prepared from a restaurant and may as well simply appear out of the ether. most americans don’t have any idea that our meat comes from supersized agri-farms or ocean pens that pollute the water and shorelines or that the main source of our fruits and veggies these days is central and south america.

many folks don’t realize that we are transitioning to unmanned drones operated by a soldier half a world away who can drop bombs destroying an entire village and be home in time for dinner with no thought as to the repercussions of his joystick and red buttons. so much like a video game.

i suppose what really got me to thinking about our disconnect with the real world is death and dying. i know, i know, i am hopelessly morbid but as i get older, the impending demise of my parents and my husband’s parents looms closer. plus, one of my blog buddies recently lost his mom and the blogosphere lost bro tim two weeks ago. it hits home quickly. there was a time when folks could process all of this in real time- families attended the bodies and laid folks to rest. now, it’s almost like they haven’t even lived- let alone died. we make a phone call and our loved one is whisked away to a funeral home to be dolled up for the after life and placed in a casket lined with silk like they are sleeping. they are whisked away to be cremated or buried and that’s it- better hope you don’t need more than 3 days leave from work ’cause that’s usually all you get and it’s back to the ‘normal’ routine.

it is weirder online and in the entertainment biz- take heath ledger for example, he is forever young on the big screen and it’s almost like you can reach through the screen and those moments are still there. when i go into facebook, or over to blog of revelation, there’s bro tim’s smiling face looking back at me- and his words are still there frozen in time. i could very easily pretend he is simply on vacation.

i don’t know whether technology is a help or a hindrance in human development but i do know that we, as a species, globally, are at a crossroads. our love for the here and now and for bigger and better- and cutting edge technology- cannot continue unabated. we have to begin to put some thought into our future and not just live here and now. while i don’t believe we should cling to the past, ala conservatism, i do think that there is something to be said about learning from it. we need to reconnect to the basics- people, nature, life. or there won’t be any left…..

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i find myself thinking more in ’seasons’ than in months these days   i suppose it’s because i am starting to think in terms of ‘gardening’ instead of just grocery shopping.  i really hate grocery shopping.  and, i have a feeling more and more folks are feeling the same way because i have seen reports at various news agencies about the rise of the backyard garden here in america.  suburbanites taking back their yards from the sculpted hedges and flowers with names i can’t pronounce that aren’t indigenous; urbanites container gardening and taking vacant lots for community plots- family farms hanging on by a thread and attempting to go organic.

that has got to irritate big ag quite a bit.  but i don’t care.  i have no desire to put genetically altered, hormone and antibiotic stuffed meats, dairy and vegetables in my mouth.  i suspect many other folks don’t either.  at any rate, it’s a trend towards more self sufficiency- more awareness about the environment but also about our own relationship with our planet and nature- and how we effect each other.

and, while i know that evolution takes a long time when left to it’s own devices, i honestly see the writing on the wall for the right wing mind set.  negative, mean spirited, aggressive, sociopathic power hunger along with greed isn’t going to survive in a world where we are going to have to work together to simply to exist as a species.

and, i, for one, will not be sorry to see that dinosaur- um elephant- go extinct.

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i watched a program about beans yesterday. the whole program was about beans and how to grow them and prepare them. yeah, so? there was a segment on seed saving and the nice gentleman was explaining how he saves seeds for posterity. not terribly remarkable, or is it? the practice of seed saving went the way of backyard gardens- and this nice man in maine wants to bring both back to this generation. he believes that there is a disconnect between us and our food and so, he developed a program by which he educates kids and teens on gardening and seed saving. what struck me was when he was talking about some of the heirloom seeds- and they have some from the cherokee’s trail of tears. he explained that the native folks were allowed to go inside and take what they could carry— and many of them took their seeds.

mom and i were talking about it- and we wondered what folks today would take if they could only take what they could carry- pictures? bank book? whatever it would be- i doubt it would be seeds. we just assume that we will always be fed. what a presence of mind to take seeds to plant wherever you end up- a connection to where your food came from. many folks don’t know that corn is indigenous to this hemisphere. it is a grass that native populations brought with them as they migrated from south america to north america. many folks don’t realize that the lovely yellow ears we grab at the supermarket— or even farmer’s markets- are not the native varieties but hybrids invented within the last hundred years or so.

so, for this nice gentleman to have seeds saved from the original native populations is pretty important. it’s a connection to our food and our roots as people and as a nation. backyard gardening is catching on again- and i hope that our ‘heirloom’ seeds do to.

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and i almost forgot my post dusterella would have killed me. is it bad that i forget what day it is all of the time? seriously…. is it?

there’s a fresh blanket of snow on the ground here in upstate new york- and there isn’t much traffic so there’s that calm quiet that pervades after a storm. except we didn’t have a storm i couldn’t tell you much that has been going on in the world at large these days- i have checked out. but i have been fighting an inner battle with myself. isn’t it funny that life can be good and yet we still have inner conflict.

is that the very core of humanity? conflict?

i am actually fighting to keep my head above water as i attempt to process life as it unfolds- aging; parental ill health; job market; global climate change and the chaos it well may bring, etc.,- and i keep reminding myself that change happens. conflict and change- two things that humans have at their core. i don’t particularly like either and with the january gray it’s tough to keep positive. hence, my news blackout.

i think it’s important to write about where we are in addition to what we are for and against. but, i suppose for that to have meaning, we have to know who we are and what we’re for and against to begin with. therein lies the rub….. i don’t harbor illusions about humanity as a whole- human nature doesn’t lend itself to overall positive outcomes. individuals continue to surprise me with the third “c” of humans– courage in the face of adversity.

in spite of myself, i still have that lingering feeling of hope

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i guess i wonder why it feels like the middle of last year? it certainly doesn’t feel like the same time last year- the endless waiting for the bush cabal to be out of office…. the hope that things were going to look up and get better. i’m not feeling that guarded optimism i had last year at this time.

but that doesn’t mean that i am not going to come out swinging…. here’s the deal…

the health care bill that will eventually become law— sucks. sucks on so many levels i lost count but two main points come to mind

1) i don’t like being mandated to do anything- and i like it even less being forced to have health care or have to pay a penalty to the irs. really? this is the DEMOCRATIC plan?

2) there is no international terrorism. nope. at least not in the way our government would have us believe. it’s absolutely fascinating that so many people swallowed this lie. there have been 2 instances of ‘terrorism’ on american soil that allegedly came from the middle east- both within less than a decade of each other and both in pretty much the same spot. there are folks in the military industry (because it’s really just a corporation with saluting) who have come out and admitted as much and they have been dismissed as ‘conspiracy theorists.’ that’s a laugh because the conspiracy is happening within our own government.

the terrorist groups exist within their own countries- most terrorist acts within america have come from right wing fringers- britain has the ira- the hot spots in the middle east were hot because it was a guerilla civil war. the uss cole bombing? well, how can it be terrorism when we had our warship in yemen?

anyway, if the official story doesn’t make sense- folks should question it. most of what we see going on around the globe is a direct result of our global policies. by ‘our’ i mean the western world not just america. naj recently posted about something that caught my attention:

“Now a word with my non-Iranian readers: I don’t need you to cheer Iran on it’s unravelling “revolution”; I don’t want you to wish our “rebellion” success; I don’t like it when you wear green symbols and act with more zeal than is of your business! What I wish you did is to just be aware of what is happening in Iran such that in your DEMOCRATIC systems, you can influence YOUR politicians to do the right thing vis a vis Iran. And the right thing is NOT imposing sanctions on the people and holding secret talks; and the right thing is to NOT allow Israel make threats on Iran while expecting Iran to disarm; and the right things is to not decontextualize what is happening in Iran, because you think Iran’s connected to your life through the oil umbilical cord!”

i see it all of the time within the left wing blogosphere- hurrahing when protesters in iran or monks in burma take on the government; praising them for standing for democracy against tyranny- and then within the same paragraph making excuses for the democratic controlled congress who came up with the bullshit mandates in the health care bill while systematically eliminating anything good in it. really? look, the ruling class here is the ruling class- parties mean little or nothing. what we need is a global revolution- and i am not optimistic that that will ever happen.

but someone else is- hence the ‘terror scares’ to increase the already heightened police state right here within the american borders. crime is down, according to a current fbi report, and i fail to see why we need the continued tasing and paramilitary measures employed by our extremely flawed penal system. right now, we have a system that incarcerates people at one of the highest rates in the developed world—- to make money. at the expense of others.

profit over people does not make peace. we can kumbaya all day long and wish with all of our hearts for peace on earth and good will towards men. but, as long as the global ruling elite run the show in league with the corporates- it can’t be. certainly something to think about.

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as this year winds down, i find myself wondering about human relationships.  we read daily about this group or another killing each other over differences or greed and we wring our hands and tell each other- ‘if only they could see how much they have in common- they would get along.’  very true- but we who live in relative peace fail to do the same.  we don’t ‘agree to disagree’ anymore and we refuse to see the other side on principle.

besides that, the holiday season is an excuse to get together with friends and family- and for some reason, we have decided it’s a good idea to force camaraderie once a year.  that wasn’t really what got me thinking- many folks have passed or are ill this season in my piece of the universe.  my husband got a call from good friends whom he hasn’t spoken to in a few months- their parent passed the day after cmas of a heart attack.  it struck him that he hadn’t made the effort to communicate and neither did they and it took a traumatic experience to bring them around.

if we won’t make treasured friends and family a priority in our daily lives, how can we expect there to be peace on earth in a bigger sense?  if the relationships we cherish are so taken for granted, how can we expect our ideals not to be?  we have seen our civil liberties eroded like our interpersonal relationships- and neither seem to phase us.

the song that always gets stuck in my head at this time of year- and it is a bit trite and annoying- ‘let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me’- actually resonates with meaning when i look at the bigger picture.  and i find that i am less tolerant of lame excuses of money or distance or busy lives as excuses not to keep a connection with loved ones.  priorities in life should be in perspective- and all the excuses in the world can’t make up for the life of someone who is forever gone.

something to think about in the new year…

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i set myself free this year. for years, baking cookies and making treats to send out in packages to friends and loved ones- was my ‘thing’ and i really enjoyed it. but over the last few years, ‘the decade from hell‘ to be more precise, with the rise of the christian fanatics and christianity shoved down your throat at every turn- the season lost its luster. couple that with the corporate, capitalist greed and people trampling each other to get an xbox- well, i didn’t give a hearty you-know-what if i ever ‘celebrated’ another holiday season.

and i say ‘holiday season’ and i also say ‘happy holidays’ because the whole month does not belong to one religion- and contrary to the adherents of that religion and their insistence that ‘christ is the reason for the season’- he really isn’t. early cultures celebrated the turning of the seasons for centuries- the equinoxes and the solstices were cause for feasting, games and family time- and yes, gifts. the current unholy corporatist greed fest is a largely 20th century invention- although things started downhill around the turn of the last century.

anyhoo, i decided that i was simply not going to participate. nope. i initially started out telling myself that the packages would be smaller- only a few treats this year- and i ended up simply sending the few gifts we are obligated to send. i hate obligatory gifting. yep. now, i am not a kill joy- i enjoy my egg nog and rum as well as the next person and i love the food from thanksgiving through ringing in the new year- but the ridiculous idea that one has to save up gifts all year and stuff 900 of them under the tree to make the season a happy one- well, it’s ridiculous.

if we all think back to holidays that were special to us- one or two special gifts stand out; or playing in the snow with cousins and siblings; or aunt jo and uncle larry hosting the annual feast and the adults playing cards around the table afterwards. the gifts make the kids shriek with excitement but for the most part- they pick out their favorite toy and go outside and play. we could all save ourselves hassle and stress if we did what my mom did and picked from the top 5 things on the lists. those are the ones we want the most. and guess what? none of us always got what was on our list- and we all survived. imagine that. and now, we are the ones hosting the annual feasts and we should be the ones who know better about over gifting and obligatory gifting.

so, from now on, i am not gifting unless i want to- and i will feast and play games from thanksgiving to new year- and anyone who feels obligated to gift me because it’s the holiday season- you can make a donation here in my name

arbor day foundation

happy holidays……

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