The Talk

We were shaking in our boots today. This was the day we were going to have the talk with Mom about selling the house. Mom has been very clear that she wanted to stay in her house *forever*, and she began making that proclamation about 25 years ago, when there were no issues on the table. Fast forward to March 2007, when she had a mild stroke, that seemed to trigger first severe memory loss, which subsided to intermittent bouts of not being in the here & now. With a long list of chronics, it was clear that it was no longer wise to live at home alone, and the Doctor would ONLY release her to a care facility. Mom snapped into a lucidity I’d never seen before when she spent that day trying to fight that order to a care facility. We even tried playing the “this is what we need to do for now” card– Mom said- oh no– people go into those places, and do not get out. She knew.

Fast forward to a year later. We had let the house sit empty for a year, just to wait and see how things went, and because, frankly, no one wanted to rock her boat. She’d had enough trauma.

The cash flow situation demanded we sell her place, and it’s not good for a house to sit empty.

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update

I write with a heavy heart today. Having visited my Mom and witness the changes that happened in 5 months time, since I was last here, have taken me by surprise. My Mom is 83, and she is in the beginning throes of dementia. Mom was a strong, vibrant, fiercely independent woman who had a kind heart, but was always at the steering wheel of her life. To see both the aging process, and this awful disease & how it steal’s your life away, bit by bit is very upsetting to say the least.

After a year in a care facility, we have to let go of her house, and that is what I am in the midst of @ this time. I had an incredible wave of sadness on day one of the house project. It just hit me like a ton of bricks. We are having to dismantle her space, and she is still with us, but not entirely. I hate the disease, and how unmerciful it is.

I know what we are doing is a labor of love, and that Mom needs 24 hour care. She is in exactly the correct place she needs to be in. She would rather live at home, but that would be neglectful. Seeing the major changes solidifies her need for care, more clearly than ever before.
We are in complete role reversal, where the kids are now the parents. I have always had a close relationship with my Mom, so it’s heartbreaking to watch her fade & go through these changes.

Crossposted at Ramblings

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Life is what happens while you are making other plans…

Today was one of those days. An e mail announcement from my supervisor at work revealed she has been diagnosed with Stage III breast cancer. Will have a mastectomy on Friday, surgery to remove a breast, and lymph nodes. A year of chemo, hair loss, nausea. A 43 year old vibrant Mother of two, with no family history of cancer. Just brought tears to my eyes thinking about how her world has changed in one day. Just a routine annual exam.

I have heard medicos say that such experiences have a profound effect on our lives. We are forced to look at life in a different way. Suddenly, you have a deep inner clarity- you really understand, to the core about how short life can be. You instantly readjust priorities, and you see life in a whole different way. Things that were such a big deal, may now be viewed as time wasting, and not worthwhile. Shared time with loved ones, and keeping a positive attitude, cherishing things that were, perhaps just the day before, taken for granted.

I later heard news that Grandpa (my father-in-law), took a fall on ice & broke his shoulder.

My Mom is having a hard time as aging and life’s changes are becoming overwhelming to her at age 83. A fiercely independent Woman, who has lost her independence, and having to cross bridges she never imagined.

None of these people planned for these events. if they had their say, or could vote, they would have opposed them.

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