‘let it begin with me’

i don’t wish for peace on earth anymore. nothing in human history suggests we’ll ever see it. what i do wish for- and what i am seeing glimmers of here and there- is self sufficiency. i also wish for awareness that what you have causes another to go without- and i see more and more folks realizing that as the world grows smaller. i am not hopeful that the world situation is going to change- there will always be the same type of folks in charge- the ones who want to exploit others. what gives me hope is that more and more ‘regular’ folks are doing what they need to do to change things where they are.

i had a restful, thankful thanksgiving this year and from what little contact i had with other human beings- i felt hopeful for the first time in a long time. i hear more words like ‘we want to make our environmental footprint smaller’ and ‘i want to buy locally but don’t know where’ and i hear parents teaching their children to be respectful and mindful of where things come from. folks here in america are in dire straits- unemployment and under employment are at all time highs and what makes me feel good about the whole thing is- it is forcing folks to learn things that a generation had forgotten. things like reusing and fixing things- swapping and mending clothes and other household goods. it is actually fostering more of a sense of community than we here in america have felt in a long time.

now, i am not getting all pollyannish- i know we still have a really long way to go- but the seeds have been planted- and with some attention- they are going to grow. climate change or not.

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betmo’s thankful edition

it’s that time of year again where the leaves blow in the cold autumn wind and folks all over america suddenly get thankful for family and friends who get on their nerves the other 364 days a year.  yep- it’s almost thanksgiving.  in the interest of full disclosure, thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

i must say that i have been reviewing my life lately- as i have reconnected with my past over at facebook- and i am so very thankful i live the life i do.  at this moment in my life, i wouldn’t change a thing.  i have good friends and a faithful, loving family who puts up with me- and i even have folks who enjoy reading what i write   and, because i live in america, i am not the one getting blown to bits by americans over in foreign lands.  i can live in safety because my countrymen are busy depriving others of theirs.

and, in full, decadent, american style- i am serving turkey with all the trimmings.  all homemade because i have the luxury of time.  i have time to devote the effort and love needed to make my loved ones happy.  i have loved ones to make happy.  i am indeed one of the most fortunate women on the planet.  i did not say the richest- i said the most fortunate.

i hope everyone is thankful for what they do have- and takes a moment to dwell on that instead of what they don’t have.  namaste.

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the way we are and were

ever wonder what happened to that old high school chum? or a college sweetheart who broke your heart? well, it’s one stop shopping at facebook. with a click of the mouse and a few keystrokes, you may be able to ‘friend’ that person online. of course, you should probably be careful what you wish for because you just might get it. my thought is- if the relationship was lost, there must be a reason for it and that reason hasn’t gone away in the 20+ years intervening.

human nature is funny though- we create memories in our minds of how these people are. we nurture these thoughts until they become the reality instead of the reality. and, for some reason, we long to collect these memories and people like coins in a book. we don’t really want them to actively be part of our lives- we just want them near. or so i surmise.

the age of global instant gratification is here and for better or worse- it is easy to find folks who want to be found. we can ‘friend’ those chums and exes and maintain that bittersweet link to the past and we can ‘poke’ them and ‘tweet’ them and try to make them think that our lives are so important and exciting compared to theirs. facebook is like a giant class reunion without paying. yet….. i don’t know if it’s a good thing or not. i am attempting to reconcile the fact that when i looked at those ‘friend’ pages, very few things had changed about those folks- except appearance. the same quirks that irritated me 20 years ago- triggered me off this go ’round. and i found out that human nature’s curiousity often stops at the ‘friend’ button. no emails to follow up or chatting to catch up on old times- just ‘hey, i found you isn’t that great?’

it leaves me with more questions than answers about the future of human communication but i am convinced that lost relationships are better off memories.

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far from mainstream

there are times when i venture out and look to see what is going on in mainstream america- and i have to venture out because as much as i hate to admit it- i am not mainstream my whole life has been spent on the outside looking in- and, while i used to resent it, these days, i am grateful. not too long ago, i posted a question at my blog on ‘when is enough enough?’

i wanted some reactions other than mine because i had a couple of families in mind when i posed the question. anyhoo, i was doing the happy homemaker thing today and was standing in line at the grocery store- and i impulse bought a copy of the most recent family circle magazine. i admit i am a sucker for holiday baking and the gingerbread men on the front were irrisistable not only did i get holiday decorating tips from martha stewart- but i happened upon an article on helicoptor parents and what a problem it is for everyone else. the article says that a recent university of tex-ass study found that 40%-60% of parents helicoptor- even into the 4th year of college.

give me a freakin’ break. my friends parents didn’t helicoptor and mine didn’t- who are these parents anyway? oh- right. my inlaws and one of my friends. trust me when i say that my sisters-in-law are younger than me but are nearer to 30 than the other side. really? yep. still getting bailed out when there is a financial shortfall. guess it wouldn’t do for them to not be able to take the kids to an amusement park or whatnot.

my friend has one married daughter and two in college who live at home. as far as i can see, her younger sister who is married with a child gets the same treatment as the other 3- my friend bridging the gap and enabling immature behavior. when do we grow up? when do we have to sink or swim on our own? is it because our culture worships youth that we delay maturity for as long as possible?

all i know is- my friend schleps the girls to and from work and school- because they don’t drive. i asked her why it was that they weren’t 1) walking 2) getting a bus pass or 3) getting rides with friends. the colleges are both 10 minutes from their house. didn’t get a good answer.

so- i guess i wonder where this is all going to lead. any ideas? because, apparently, i am still on the outside looking in…

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heads out of asses time people

mmm… politics. i guess the reason that i stay out of the fray for the most part- is 1) ‘debate’ in america is like having a battle of wits with an unarmed person and 2) there really is no debate because it’s a done deal. what frustrates me so much is that so very many people continue to believe what they are told without a shred of skepticism. how can that be after being lied to for more than a decade? perhaps if folks stopped believing everything they were told by ‘people in charge’- the limbaughs and the cheneys and the pelosis and reids wouldn’t have so much power. but alas….

so, here’s my take on a few issues- there are well meaning folks weighing in on why we continue to lose so many soldiers in iraq and afghanistan. um- we lose soldiers because we invaded their countries and they are trying to expel us. it really is that simple. they don’t like us because we invaded their country and blew it to smithereens with dirty bombs; allowed genocide; and allowed looting of national treasures. oh, and our private, war profiteering contractors stole their money, raped their women and murdered their relatives. does that about cover it? why are we still there? very simple- it has nothing to do with taliban or al quaida- and everything to do with war profiteering, oil profiteering and the opium trade. if you still buy the democracy building bullshit- well, keep drinking the kool aid.

as for the health care debacle- i mean debate- there isn’t one. it’s just a matter of how sweet a deal the congress critters and other pols can make with big insurance, big pharma and the ama. and, yes, it really is that simple. these ‘americans’ don’t give a rat’s ass about the rest of us- as long as they have a job and can live their lives the way that they want. a buddy of mine from france said that nations have the governments that they deserve and in a democracy- the folks at the top often reflect the folks underneath. i believe it to be true. take a look at your friends, neighbors, and relatives and tell me you can’t pick a few who remind you of the folks in power. whether it’s emulating the behavior of our ‘betters’ or the other way ’round- it is what it is and our election system is rigged for it to stay that way. listen to hate radio for a day and tell me differently.

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question of the day

when is enough truly enough?

now, that can be taken several ways- but here’s where my mind has been going- when is helping others crossing the line into enabling? when do you overstep and instead of building character- you build dependence? i know more than a few families who have a setup this way- helping out the kids even when they are grown with families of their own. i have heard from the lips of a couple of people- ‘it isn’t the little kids fault and i don’t want them to suffer’- um, yes, but that’s the life their parents chose for them- and you stepping in and breaching the gap isn’t really helping anyone. food, water, shelter, clothing? how much should people give to others- and what constitutes true need?

i was thinking of abandoning blogging because i just don’t have politics in me anymore. it doesn’t matter to me anymore- but there’s something about human nature that nags at me and puzzles me. the one question ‘why?’ has nagged at me for years and was the biggest reason i went into the business of psychology. biggest reason i got out too because damned if i ever figured it out. you put your hand in fire and get burned- why do you keep putting your hand in the fire? are there really that many masochists in our culture?

oops- that was more than one question any answers?

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americans today and tomorrow cling to yesterday

i listen to quite a bit of van morrison- love the man. but i thought i would take a break the other day and listen to the eagles- long road out of eden- and when i got to the second disc- whoa! now, when you think political music- springsteen comes to mind amongst others, but i will hazard a guess that the eagles don’t top the list. you should check them out. it’s a great set. henley, frey and the gang don’t mince words and they skillfully weave them to get their point across- not just about politics but about culture.

it’s funny because i used to think i was outside looking in on the culture- and now, i know i am. american culture sucks- arrogant, self-centered, pushy, rude- or at least it’s how it has been. apparently, the right wing screwed themselves because from the sounds of things- folks are turning more liberal. sharing and not buying new? good lord! the rapture must be coming!

i admit, i have not been keeping up with what passes for the news these days- i mean there is only so much outright lying and fakery i can stand. and what i do scan the headlines and see, makes me sad. you aren’t going to find many places where information is sewn together to formulate the big picture- it’s like a mystery to solve, all of the pieces are there but you have to figure it out yourself. gore vidal wrote a fantastic article a while ago and i have not read it’s entirety because it was too much. but putting it together with this article i read through today- really makes me sad. sad because americans are not willing to see what this country is today- americans cling to the notion of what we used to be.

i would love to be able to do that, but i can’t. i know where we came from and what we are today- and i have a pretty fair idea of where we are headed. it’s not a pretty picture. but i don’t want to end on a down note- i love clara. she is a treasure and a gem- and if you check out her youtube channel, you won’t be disappointed. she has seen much and lived through much- but her spirit lives on.

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the peace movement

hmmmm…. yeah. i guess i wonder where it’s moving. can someone check its pulse? that’s my second cuppa snark this morning. there are many folks in this country who want peace- no doubt. and there are some who actually engage with the rest of humanity on a quest to get it. but there is a biiiiigggg obstacle to peace in this country- and no it isn’t just the neocons and obstructionist dems- americans themselves don’t really want peace. not really.

how else to explain the abysmal way we treat each other? most folks have heard by now of fellow americans being tased to death- i think we may be getting closer to 3 digits every time i post- and we have heard of police beatings of people who weren’t resisting and of the huge ice roundups that just herd everyone together to sort out later (and detain indefinitely). but what about our daily lives? looking at how we treat each other or talk about each other- and those around the world- it’s indicative of where we really are at.

i read a piece in national geographic about iran. what struck me was the people. the government actually sounds like ours but the people- they have this sense of identity and stubborn will to be who they are despite millennia of invasions- it’s incredible. and yet, americans would be content to bomb them and their beautiful country to smithereens for oil. without taking a moment to think about the humanity lost and the thousands of years of world history. these folks speak farsi and are fairly anti-arab. they have their own identity and they aren’t terribly interested in america- except for the fact we keep threatening to annihilate them. anyhoo- i thought while reading- what an exceptional people and what an ally they would have made if we hadn’t fucked things up with our greedy foreign policy. sigh.

anyhoo- read the article- and really take a look at the people. we didn’t bother to do that with iraq or anywhere else in the world actually. the world isn’t our oyster and we don’t have the right to take what isn’t ours’. we need to take a hard look at our own culture and see it for what it is and isn’t. people who can be so callous as to let a man die after ignoring him for 22 hours or people who can stand by while a pet dies- and say that it’s only an animal get another- well, that gives me pause. these are everyday people- neighbors, family members, friends, co-workers- americans. if this is the real face of who we are- it is not only disillusioning- it’s frightening.

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crisis of spirit

in the interests of full disclosure- i have been feeling a bit off lately. ok, for a really long time. i truly don’t understand people. at all. i don’t belong within my own species. i suppose some of the ancients felt the same way as the end of their empires fell- fiddling on rooftops while cities burn kind of thing. i don’t know quite what to do about it- and that’s where i am at. my own species; my own neighbors; my own countrymen- disgust me.

i hate leaving my house and that’s the honest truth. everyday, i witness things that make me crazy- simple things in the grander scheme of things- but those little things add up to the impeachable and indictable behaviours at the very top of our country. it’s law here in new york state that you have to talk on your cell phone while driving- with a headset device. hands free- i believe it’s billed. it’s law, but i honestly believe that my husband is the only one who uses his. that’s one example.

my former neighbors are another- turning on each other and gossiping about each other behind backs- and calling code enforcement on people when angry. it’s a small step from code to homeland security. it’s a mind set. anyway, all of these little things swirl around in my mind putting themselves together eventually into a mosaic that shows me a picture.

and the picture is ugly. what the hell is wrong with us? what is wrong with the rich western nations that we believe that the world is our garbage dump? what is wrong with the governments of third world nations who believe that their people are just garbage? i look around and i see this time and again- and i want to know why? why is it so difficult to believe that we have effectively killed our planet? half of the world’s primates are expected to be in danger of extinction soon. half. do you know what we are? we-are-primates.

i wrote in my journal recently that i was terribly disillusioned with america. the land of my birth; the country that i believed in; that i believed stood for freedom and innovation- that land was an illusion. my country is greedy and grasping and bullying; my country is part of the western world cartel that thinks nothing of treating africa and other parts of the poor world- as throwaway. treats human beings as ‘collateral damage’ in their quest for profits. my neighbors are ’salt of the earth’ americans doncha know? blue collar- janitors, ibm workers, manufacturers, crossing guards, nurse’s aides- ‘real americans’- and they talk with disdain about people of color and homosexuals and anyone who doesn’t look like them or act like them and it disgusts me. these are the people who have lost america. these are the people who don’t think twice about where their big screen tvs go- or their old cell phones or their computers- if they even have one. they don’t think about where they came from or how they get to the stores- they just care that george bush would be a cool guy to have a beer with in the backyard bbq. because he’s from texas. except they are too stupid to realize that he’s not.

so, i ask again- why? who are we and why do we continue to let this go on? and isn’t it going to be lonely without a few billion people?

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nation of lemmings indeed

reason number 5,980 why the rest of the world is dissing us

“No. Buying a Prius is not taking action. Neither is upgrading the insulation on your house or buying carbon offsets when you fly. We need, as a nation, to commit to seriously ending our addiction to fossil fuels, to rapacious development and the concomitant destruction of forests and wetlands. We need to end our nation’s imperialist policies and to instead devote the trillion dollars a year spent on war to saving the planet from ourselves.

A good start would be seeing that people “get it.” That would mean communities starting to organize around improving mass transit, arranging for carpooling, and demanding climate-saving action from our political leaders.

I’m not optimistic.”

we are spoiled and selfish- i can’t speak to other countries or other cultures because- i live here.

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not to make light

of eating disorders and whatnot- but ladies- you could have it worse:

american jets have bombed at least 5 afghani weddings

at least some folks are mad- and speaking out

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get over it

“We are drowning in the “impostures of pretended patriotism,” used to cover the lies that got us into Iraq, the defense of torture and the violation of our basic liberties. In the name of patriotism, we presume a God-given American right to reorder the world to our liking, masking the vice of unfettered greed as an obligation of national security.”

robert scheer

yep. nothing irks me more than the rah rah patriots who believe that lapel pins and car magnets are the way to show that they support troops and america while busily filling their suvs while talking on a cell phone on their way to a materialistic, consumeristic orgy at the mall. makes me feel all warm and fucking fuzzy. please. what i have come to learn over the course of the last 8 years (as the blinders fell from my eyes), is that everything i was taught to believe about america was false. does america have good points? yes- all countries do. are we uber-special in the grander scheme of things? not unless you consider consuming 25% of the world’s resources like a spoiled brat while others starve and die- a virtue.

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golden pony and bob

so, i flew down to the miami area of florida for a most expenses paid vacation at the westin diplomat in hollywood. nope, not going to talk about that in this post i personally think that everything that is wrong with america is embodied in our airports and flying system. yep. sweeping statement but anyone who has flown recently probably is shaking their heads and agreeing. greed, profit and complete disregard for humanity is packaged under one roof in the airport (especially philadelphia- suuuucccckkkksss!!!!!) add in the stupidity and arbitrariness of homeland security and the tsa- stir in the ego centric, spoiled, ‘me first’ population and voila`! sucktastic. now, i don’t know if america has cornered the market on sheer disregard for anyone other than us- i haven’t flown internationally to know. i am pretty sure that ‘golden pony and bob’ are an adequate representation of the american population at large, however. i will just tell the story and you tell me.

golden pony is so named because she has on an aqua colored t-shirt with a sequined horse on the front and the name ‘the golden pony’ sewn underneath in cursive. this is paired with white capris and high heels. golden pony is a bottle blonde with a tan who has the annoying habits of flipping her hair over her shoulder and prancing around like a princess while acting helpless as her young daughter ‘lily’ runs amok in the airport and basically ignores her mother’s cries of ‘lily, lily come here.’ golden pony then whines at her possibly arabic husband bob (who kind of looks like a bald zahi hawass) to do something about lily while the teenage son (who looks nothing like golden pony) sits playing some sort of handheld game. bob goes and retrieves lily who simply decides to wander away again and roll around on the floor after bob goes to get some sort of beverage for golden pony- so she can take something because ‘my legs hurt.’

not once did i see golden pony truly engage with lily. hell, she never even touched her. now, i am assuming that she is married to bob and that these are their children but hey, i could be wrong. i know, i know, you are probably thinking ‘but betmo, golden pony may have had a medical condition or something’- to which i would respond- ‘yes.  i am sure it is back breaking and leg breaking work wearing all of that gold jewelry and high heels and plucking your chin while ignoring a 3 year old.’  hands off parenting doesn’t do it for me.  if you don’t want to be responsible- don’t have children.  but the sense of entitlement and arrogance and spoiled behavior just struck me as more typical than not.  at least in public situations.

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